The Secret Diaries of Hogwarts Professors
by Lady Shae
Summary: What really goes on when the students aren't looking. The secret romances and antics of the professors, told through their personal writings. Takes place during Harry's 5th year and beyond.  Rated T for mild sexual content.  Implied Snape/Sinistra. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of J.K. Rowling. All characters and places mentioned in this fic belong to her.

A/N: This fic will cover snippets from the personal diaries of various Hogwarts professors during (and possibly beyond) Harry's 5th year . If you want to see more or less of a certain character's POV in the future, drop me a review and I'll do my best to accommodate requests. That said, R&R and enjoy!

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**Chapter One**

**Minerva McGonagall**

Deputy Headmistress' Log  
>28 August (5:23 pm)<p>

I, Minerva McGonagall, do hereby commence the official Deputy Headmistress' log for the 1995-1996 school year.

Let this record show any significant events that I, as the current Deputy Headmistress, believe to be significant for the instruction or knowledge of any future professors who hold the title.

It is Monday evening and the majority of the staff has already arrived back at Hogwarts, save for the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I knew Albus was having difficulty filling the post-to be expected, really, considering the track record-but never before has he made a decision this close to the start of term. Despite my growing concern, I am certain the matter shall be resolved soon.

Bathsheda and Septima both arrived earlier this afternoon, a bit to my dismay. I had rather been hoping to be spared of their incessant gabbing for another day, but such is life. The two of them wasted no time in swooping down on Aurora and demanding an in-detail account of her summer vacation, all the while making vague allusions to certain occurrences at last year's Yule Ball. Aurora, the poor dear, was quite obviously flustered and left for the Astronomy tower after making an excuse regarding unpacking. I daresay that if Bathseda and Septima do not cut out their nonsense we won't be seeing Aurora in the Great Hall again the remainder of the term. I do wonder if the two of them occasionally forget that they are professors now and that this childish behavior towards their coworkers is unacceptable.

Whatever their malice towards Aurora regarding a certain male professor, I fear that they are the least of my worries this school year. After the horrifying events of June, there is a sense of unease amongst the staff. Though all of us here at Hogwarts believe that what Potter says he saw is the truth, many are still in denial. Unfortunately this coping mechanism has thus far manifested itself in the increased flirtation and altogether questionable behavior of the staff in the past 48 hours. Due to the rather skewed witch to wizard ratio of the staff as well as the varying ages, physical limitations, and er... preferences, I fear that the so-called "dating pool" at Hogwarts is rather limited. If there is one thing I can say with absolute certainty in this moment, it is that I have never been more glad to not be Severus Snape.

If this teenage behavior is what allows my staff to cope with the difficult times, then so be it. However, if it begins at all to interfere with the instruction of the students, I will have their heads. Every. Last. One.

Well, I have a few matters to attend to prior to the staff dinner this evening. Merlin knows that I'll need every spare moment to prepare myself for that ordeal.

The Great Hall (6:45 pm)

After my previous entry, Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank came into my office in order to discuss the lesson plan that had been left for her by Hagrid. An interesting assortment of creatures, to be sure, and one that I cannot help but feel would be most highly frowned upon by the Ministry of Magic. That thought does give me a certain amount of satisfaction. I did approve of a few additions to the lessons, however, as there are a few creatures Hagrid has always considered to be "mundane" that the students will need to know for their examinations and I would not want students to be at a disadvantage come exam time simply because their usual professor has a distaste for bowtruckles.

I am currently at the first staff dinner of the year. Severus is looking petulant as usual. I suspect he has had his annual discussion with Albus concerning the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, and as usual was turned down. Although, I cannot help but wonder if it would be easier to locate a Potions master with three days notice as there are no rumors of a curse on that particular job.

Other than that, it's the usual complaints. Everyone is in need of new cauldrons or star charts and Sibyll keeps insisting that the crystal balls should be replaced every year in order to ensure "the best possible connection with the great beyond". Hrmph.

Ah, it seems Rolanda has finally seen fit to join us. Always late, every...

In case any future reader is wondering, the reason there is now tea decorating this page is because my only options were spitting it out or choking on it. As it was, I didn't have a choice in the matter due to Rolanda's impeccable timing. Not that I should expect anything more from Madame Hooch; the Harpies were never known for their celibacy and combined with her very unique sense of humor... I've seen Rolanda do more than one suggestive thing with her broomstick during staff meetings (I suspect solely because she enjoys nearly giving me a heart attack) but I never thought I'd see the day where she'd reenact all her finest performances with Severus Snape filling in for the broomstick. Thank Merlin he appears to be just as appalled as I am. I'm not sure my heart could take the shock if he in any way reciprocated.

Of course, Hooch may have just openly declared war with Aurora Sinistra, but that's another matter entirely. I fear this is going to be a long year. 

**Aurora Sinistra**

Astronomy Tower  
>28 August, 1995<br>9:20 pm

I am already getting the distinct feeling that I should have taken the last few days of summer vacation to relax and spend some time with my sister instead of returning to Hogwarts early as usual. Really, between what happened at the Yule Ball and the subsequent torture inflicted upon me by my fellow professors, you would think that I would be smart and avoid all possible contact with certain individuals (Hem. Septima and Bathsheda). Of course they were there the instant I entered the Great Hall. It's as if they can smell possible fodder for gossip five kilometers away.

Bathsheda chattered for a while for an extended amount of time about the trip to Spain that the two of them took in July, and how simply marvellous it all was. Oh, the weather was perfect, the sites were beautiful, and oh yes it was a shame she couldn't go back to Egypt as she had originally planned to look at the runes in the tomb some wizard had recently discovered, but obviously a vacation with Septima was oodles more fun and wouldn't I like to join them next summer in France? I swear there was never a woman more aptly named than Bathseda Babbling.

Then Septima shushed the other woman and leaned in very close. "Yes, Aurora dear, it would be most wonderful if you joined us next time. Perhaps you could convince Severus to come along as well, seeing as you two are such great friends and all."

Naturally, I simply smiled and pretended I didn't know what she was talking about. But she didn't stop there, oh no, that would be far too easy for her. Instead she felt compelled to make a little quip about how she didn't think that threes and elevens were very sexually compatible, but that she had never had the chance to test that out on her own, obviously, and wouldn't I be so kind as to enlighten her on my opinion on the matter?

Needless to say, I quickly made my exit after that little remark. Yes, perhaps I did very publicly and drunkenly declare my attraction to one of my coworkers, but really is that reason enough to torture a woman for months afterwards? Well, perhaps it is a bit funny, from their perspectives. I mean, Severus is not exactly popular around the staff room, and they really can't see past his exterior into the dark, tortured poetic soul that he is, but... Just because of that little mishap, they assume that we slept together. I mean it's preposterous... Though I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that the thought crossed my mind. Once, for the briefest of moments. Just once, I swear.

Anyway, I went to my room and bemoaned my poor luck in love for a while before making my way to the staff dinner. What a dinner it was. Rolanda Hooch made a downright fool of herself in front of all her colleagues this evening by making some very, erm, provocative gestures while standing behind Severus. Considering Rolanda's age, it was rather comparable to seeing your grandmother trying to charm a date out of a muggle delivery boy. Really awkward and unpleasant for everyone involved. I don't think I care to know where she got her sense of humor, as it really isn't funny at all. It must have been a joke, though. I mean, she could not actually be attracted to Severus...

Could she?

Perhaps I shall have to keep an eye on that old hag after all. 

**Severus Snape**

Dungeons  
>28 August at 10 pm<p>

I hate my life.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I don't own HP and all that jazz. For the record, not every chapter will always equal one day. Just a heads up. R&R!

**Rolanda Hooch**

29 August

Quidditch Pitch

Woke up for flying practice at 5:30 am. Will be giving the first years their flying lessons in just a few days and the brooms needed checking. Extended the invitation to Severus, as I do recall that his broom handling can use some improvement. Can't imagine why he didn't join me. Minerva suggested at breakfast that it might have something to do with my little joke yesterday. Clearly she has finally gone mad. Severus has an excellent sense of humor. I remember when he was at school... James Potter and Sirius Black used to joke around with him all the time. Severus would scarcely be able to speak from gasping with laughter. Why, one time he went absolutely scarlet from laughing. Although, come to think of it, that may have been from hanging upside down.

Naturally I think Minerva is just bitter that I didn't ask her along this time. Quite understandable really. She must have realized her foolishness at refusing my attentions last year. Oh yes, I remember it clearly...

"Rolanda, I don't care how many times you insist that I must be a 'switch chaser' as you so delicately put it; if you do not cease this inappropriate and highly immature behavior I shall be forced to recommend your dismissal to the headmaster."

Poor dear is still in the broom closet. She'll come around, eventually.

**Minerva McGonagall**

29 August (10:30 am)

Merlin have mercy. Albus called me into his office this morning. I assumed he wanted to address Rolanda's antics in his own way. I was simply shocked to see the Minister of Magic seated in his office instead, along with that unpleasant woman that follows him around so often. Umbridge, I believe. I'm not sure what it is about that woman, but I had the sudden urge to transfigure her into a rather large toad. Perhaps it was the unpleasant smile on her face that highlighted her unusually wide mouth. Albus had a particularly resigned look on his face, despite his outward smile. There are times when I believe I can read the headmaster better than he can read himself.

Cornelius turned as I entered. I noticed he did not move to stand as the old Cornelius I once knew would. "Minerva," he said, nodding. He looked quite... pleasant, in spite of everything that has happened in the past few months and his absolute refusal to acknowledge the return of all our greatest fears.

"The Minister has something to tell us, Minerva, and has requested both of our presence. Please, take a seat." Albus conjured his standard overstuffed armchair, naturally. I had barely taken my seat when Cornelius began on his tirade.

It had never been clearer that Cornelius Fudge had set aside the war with the Dark Arts for a war with Albus Dumbledore. A foolish undertaking in my opinion as he is far more likely to win a duel against Voldemort than get rid of Albus Dumbledore. After some utter rubbish about how he hated to be interfering here, as he had nothing but the utmost respect for educators, Cornelius finally got to the point.

"The fact is, Albus," he began, "that you have been unable to find a replacement Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. And your previous choices for the position have been... dubious at best. We at the Ministry feel that the education of young wizards and witches should be the first priority of the wizarding community. With that, I have come here to inform you that I have found a replacement for you. Dolores Umbridge, my Senior Undersecretary, has been most generous in her offer to teach the students of Hogwarts in the new revised Theory of Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"_Theory?_" I could not hide the disgust on my face. I believe the Umbridge woman noticed it, because she gave me her biggest and most sickening smile yet. "Cornelius," I responded, "surely you have forgotten that the Ministry does not have jurisdiction over Hogwarts."

"I think that is a wonderful idea, Cornelius." It took me a moment to realize that it was Albus who had spoken. I am not entirely certain who was more shocked: Cornelius, his stout minion, or myself. I continued to sit there in stunned silence as arrangements were made and it was decided that Dolores would not be joining the staff at Hogwarts until the afternoon of the first, because she is "so terribly busy helping out the Minister, of course".

I have precisely two days to prepare the staff for this turn of events... I think I'll let Albus be the one to inform Severus of the sudden assignment to the job he has so coveted for years.

(12:00 pm)

If Rolanda does not knock off her nonsense soon, I swear I will burn all of her broomsticks.

(1:30 pm)

For the first time in the years I have taught here, I am beginning to believe that Sybill may be the most sensible witch on the staff aside from myself.

Merlin, help me.

**Severus Snape**

Dungeons

29 August at 2 pm

I have accepted that it is my fate to be perpetually surrounded by dimwitted teenagers ten months out of the year; an unfortunate task I knew would be required of me upon accepting the position of Potions Master. I remained sadly misinformed regarding my colleagues, though, as I though I'd be working with the finest minds in magic, not a gaggle of giggling witches with fantasies of a forbidden office fling.

Rolanda made an absolute fool of herself again at lunch this afternoon, though my back was mercifully spared from this performance. Unfortunately certain breakfast items on Minerva McGonagall's plate did not escape Hooch, who immediately made thinly veiled euphemisms for the possible uses of a banana. Her vulgar material must be running low as she made the same euphemism about my stirring rod.

Which I use to mix potions, obviously.

When Minerva reacted poorly to her sense of humor, Rolanda proceeded to stand behind her and mimed pulling a broom from her posterior. Unfortunately, having taught for so many years and perhaps in part due to her animagus form, Minerva has developed a keen sense of knowing when there is something happening behind her back. Needless to say, she was not pleased.

If there was ever one thing Minerva and I could agree upon, it is the taxing trial of being the object of your coworkers' affections. Unfortunately the antics of one hormonal old woman is nothing compared to the delusions of one mid-thirties witch and the torture of two others on top of the antics of one hormonal old woman. Yes, never one to be slowed down by the vicious mocking of her peers, Aurora has renewed her efforts once again. She entered the Great Hall this afternoon looking like an imbecile with some ghastly frock on. When she walked by in some poor attempt at a saunter my senses were immediately assaulted by the perfume she had seemingly bathed in. She was no doubt about to bore me to tears when Albus cleared his throat...

And that is the moment in which my life became worse than hell.

I have been passed up for the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor by some imbecile toad of a woman who has never taught a day in her life and is the puppet of our dear Minister of Magic.

What the bloody hell is that decrepit dunderhead thinking?


End file.
